I’ve been in a funk recently. I’ve felt incredibly overwhelmed with life, incredibly exhausted, and incredibly disappointed in where I’m at in certain areas.
As I have mentioned before, I have always struggled with being a bit of a people pleaser. For my entire life, I have a very hard time whenever I’ve realized someone is upset with or disappointed in me.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that sometimes, that’s unavoidable. One of my favorite quotes is from Dita Von Teese: “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” And maybe that’s always stuck with me because I’m one of those people who doesn’t like peaches (though one of my many nicknames from my sister is Peaches… that’s a long story).
Anyway, for the past couple of years, I might have even bragged that I was getting better about not caring what people think of me. I’ve acknowledged that I still care about what a small number of people think, because I value their opinions. But I didn’t realize how deeply I cared until this past Monday.
I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, The Lazy Genius Podcast. It was an episode on time management. Kendra (the host and one of my blog crushes) was giving a tip that started with writing out all the things you are committed to do in your life. Then you cross out the things you can remove and highlight the absolutely essential and important things.
And then, she said something simple that completely smacked me in the face: “Look at what’s highlighted and see what’s important to you as opposed to what you think is supposed to be important.”
For whatever reason, that clicked in my brain. I have been holding on to so many things that I think are supposed to be important to me, but actually aren’t. And that makes me resent commitments I’ve made. Sometimes, it makes me resent myself.
I’ve often felt like I have to justify why I find certain things more important than others, rather than just realizing that it’s okay for different people to have different priorities.
So, this week, I thought about my top three priorities. It felt weird and almost icky to admit them because of all of my baggage. But I’m owning them, darn it!
My very top three priorities, in the order that I came up with them are:
- Blake and Julien
- My business, Creative Chaos Solutions
- My personal relationship with God
I am giving myself permission to take charge of the limited amount of time that I have every day and make sure that these three things get to take first dibs, rather than giving them leftovers after I’ve filled my day with everything else.
This absolutely does not mean that other things aren’t important to me. My friends and family mean the world to me, and I will definitely make sure there is time for them, too. I also greatly enjoy leading others to a deeper relationship with God. But I will unapologetically schedule these top three priorities first.
This revelation won’t completely change my thought process overnight. But I’m hoping that being more intentional with my daily life and the direction I want to head in will allow me more fulfillment and less resentment.
I’m also expecting my priorities to change as my life changes, and that’s okay, too.