I have a love/hate relationship with realizing unpleasant things about myself.
I’m a huge advocate for striving to be a better version of yourself every day. When a friend realizes something about him- or herself that is less than pleasant, I am right beside them, encouraging them. “What an awesome opportunity to experience some growth! You are going to come out of this a better person.”
Yeah, I’d want punch myself, too.
I do truly believe that these opportunities can help propel you towards growth, but growth is usually painful. And while I love helping a friend out in these situations, I usually throw myself a giant pity party when it’s my turn to grow.
So, what did I find out about myself?
It has recently been brought to my attention that I am a quitter.
I give up when learning something new gets too hard. I tell myself that hey, I’m not all that interested anyway. Why waste my time on something that I’m bad at and don’t even feel like doing anymore?
I think the reasons for my quitter’s syndrome has two main driving forces: (1) I’ve always been a bit of a perfectionist, and (2) I am not used to working hard at learning new things.
As a child, I was a classic people pleasing perfectionist. I wanted to be perfect in every way possible: make A’s on every test, never get in trouble, be first chair flutist in band, have all the boys think I’m the prettiest. You get the picture.
While striving for greatness is not necessarily a bad thing, the emphasis that I put on it perhaps made me a little… crazy.
In the past several years, I have been working to become less of a perfectionist because honestly, my body and mind cannot handle the amount of stress that put on me. I’ve realized that I will never be the best at everything, and that is totally fine.
But I still struggle with not wanting to try hard.
I have been blessed with my level of intelligence. I have always done well in school and never had to try particularly hard to accomplish this.
The downfall of this blessing is that I have gotten used to not trying hard. I’ll give up pretty early in learning something new if I realize it’s going to take more effort than I’d like.
Here’s a (non-comprehensive) list of things I have given up on:
- Learning how to play guitar
- Re-learning how to play piano
- A college-level class on psychology (I thought about going back to school to get a degree in psychology for a while)
- Numerous sewing projects
- Numerous home improvement projects
- Working on developing my photography skills
When I realized how many things I had given up on, I was horrified. So, I am challenging myself to reverse this trend and become an “un-quitter,” if you will.
I’m starting with number eight through this blog. My intent is to document my un-quitting journey and also share recipes, home improvement projects, and more.
I am not sure where this will take me, but I’m excited for the journey. I hope you will join me!